A baseball roster that makes the mouth water

July 04, 2004|by MARK KELLER

Candy Maldonado.

Now there's a name you don't hear every day, but it came floating across the newsroom Saturday.

The only reason to explain why the former major leaguer's name would even be brought up is for the inspiration to assemble the tastiest baseball roster ever.

We'll get to the sweets, later. First, something a little healthy, like some Zack Wheat bread (he's a Hall of Famer), topped with Tom Butters.

Some fruit is always nice, so we'll add Chet Lemon, Bob Lemon, Pete Appleton (a 14-game winner for the 1936 Washington Senators) and, of course, Darryl Strawberry.


We have to keep things balanced, so we need to have plenty of Greens - Shawn, Tyler, Gary and Scarborough will all do. And let's put Dallas Green on the coaching staff, too.

There's not much out there in the way of vegetables, but we do have Pepper Martin, Bob Sprout (who pitched one game for the 1961 Los Angeles Angels), Spud Chandler (a former Yankee) and our manager, Spud Davis.

This roster is heavy on main courses. There's plenty to choose from.

You want fish? How about Steve Trout, Kevin Bass and Catfish Hunter? To do the meal up right, we'll pick up two of the best - Travis Fryman and Woodie Fryman.

We have lots of wild game, too. Turkey Stearnes, Goose Gossage, Goose Goslin, Rabbit Maranville, Buck Ewing, Rob Deer, Doe Boyland, Paul Byrd, Doug Bird and Brandon Duckworth - all cooked to perfection by Bake McBride.

For those who like breakfast, we offer your standard Eddie Bacon and Elmer Eggert.

Need an in-between meal snack? There's Peanuts Lowery, Chip Hale and Chipper Jones. And you can wash it all down with a six-pack of Harmon Killebrews.

Oh, and those sweets? On our dessert cart, we have Coco Crisp, Pie Traynor, Reggie (Bar) Jackson and the aforementioned Candy Maldonado.

Whew, after a meal like that, a Nap Lajoie sure does sound good.

Mark Keller is sports editor of The Herald-Mail. He can be reached at 301-733-5131, ext. 2332, or by e-mail at

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