"To the one fellow who stopped when I knocked myself out, slipping on Burhans and Franklin Streets on Sunday, Nov. 23. I wanted to thank you very much for your kindness of stopping and offering help. I have a big bruise but I'm OK."
"I'm calling to congratulate Bradley Socks, who is in the second grade at Clear Spring Elementary School, for making the honor roll. Way to go! You did it! We love you, your Mammaw and Pappy Stover."
"I've been following all the phone calls about which band should lead the parade. One caller had a very good point. If you're going to lead the parade one year then the next year you should be the last one in the parade. That makes sense and that's being fair. I think so. Williamsport, I believe, is the one that led the parade this year, so for that honor then they should be the one to wrap up the parade next year. I think that would only be fair - makes sense to me. I'm sure the powers that be won't agree with that, because they always ruin everything. But that makes sense to me. And it's very fair that way."
"Just a belated thank you to the Joint Veterans Council of Washington County for the wonderful program they put on at Marty Snook Park this year. Speener Hose is a marvelous leader of this group. Keep up the good work, Speener."
"In the paper this morning where it says Penny Nigh praised the mayor, I think your reporter better go back and check. I watched it on TV. She wasn't praising him really. She was just saying isn't it amazing how the good ol' boy system lets him get away with everything."
"You've got Tim Rowland down there using satire in a classic manner. One would think that Tim Rowland would have taught you all what satire and sarcasm is all about. So how come Scott Butki and the editors of the paper didn't pick up on Councilwoman Nigh's satire and sarcasm when it comes to the mayor and his performance? She was not praising the mayor. She was being sarcastic about the mayor. May I suggest you look up sarcasm in the dictionary."
"What you people at the paper don't get is that every time you misquote Penny, or you don't quote her at all, you only strengthen us. The phone tree takes up where you left off and you don't get any extra papers out of it. We just have something else to call our friends and point out what's going on with the paper in this little town."
"I've called several times with nice things to say about people in Hagerstown, but mine never gets into Mail Call, so I thought I'd call again. I'm calling about the wonderful job that the new first grade teacher is doing at Grace Academy and the other new teachers that they brought on board this year. They are a breath of fresh air to the school, and we are very thankful to have them."
"I'm just calling because I'm wondering if The Herald-Mail is going to put the number to call Santa Claus this year, and what the number would be."
"Yes, this is a Herald-Mail delivery guy. I'd like to take a moment of your time to remind your readers to remember your carriers this holiday season. Remember, we're out there 364 days a year with only one day off. It would be nice to be remembered with some sort of gift, or even a simple thank you to your carrier would be appreciated."
"To you people out there who don't know any better, the reason we didn't have any wars when Clinton was president was because he was such a coward. He was so involved with his own personal life and that's when al-Qaeda and all of their by-products and friends got the hold that they've got in this world. Now, Mr. Bush gets to clean up Mr. Clinton's shabby mess that he left behind. Don't you all read the paper?"
"There's a big difference between diversity and perversity."
"This is in reference to the mayor's comments on Friday about the Miss Gay pageant. I think there should be something done with the mayor. That's discrimination."