"It's nice to see a singles group for seniors, such as the Tri-State Singles. But what about a singles club for the younger singles in their 30s? Is there such a group already in existence?"
"The truck distribution center on Mason Dixon Road is going to cover 172 acres of beautiful farm land. It's destroying the beauty of our community. There are better places for this to happen. What about some of the areas that are already zoned for this?"
"Congratulations to retiring teachers whose years of service will provide a pleasant retirement."
"I just wanted to say congratulations to all of the high school seniors who will be walking across the stage this week in graduations all over the county. Go after your dreams."
"We are going to miss Mr. Abe from Eastern Elementary School. He has been the best and most involved principal that Eastern has ever had. We should all go out to Eastern on the last day of school and hold signs to keep him there. He is the most lovable, most kind and most caring principal I have ever seen in any Washington County school."
"I'm glad the Triple Crown races are over because I was getting tired of waching the son of Funny Cide's jockey go through all his antics before, during and after the race. Why do they have to show the kids so much? And they do the same thing with Jason Kidd's kid during and after the Nets games. Kidd's kid, I made a funny."
"Are there any support groups out there for people suffering from Chronic Fatigue Syndrome?"
"I have a town delivery service. I keep seeing this white city van at shopping centers, restaurants, stores, just sitting along the street, with the occupants reading newspapers. This past Friday, I saw them at the Legion on Northern Avenue around 9 a.m. for a long time sitting there. Are these guys the city's taste testers and where are their bosses and how do I get a job like this?"
"Now we have to worry about monkeypox. What's next, groundhog fever?"
"The city inspectors should check on Security Road at the vacant lot. Again this year, nothing has been done with the weeds, which are over three feet tall. As homeowners, we must cut our property, why don't these lots have to?"
"I am calling about Bill and Hillary Clinton. I think it's about time that the news media moves onto another subject."