Here are your 2003 resolutions

January 02, 2003|by ANDY MASON

Happy New Year!

The greeting may be a day late, but I was off work when the calendar flipped ... busy making New Year's resolutions with my sparkling cider toasts.

Since I, of course, never make any mistakes and am a poster boy for clean living, I decided to make a resolution list for all of you instead.

Take a glance:

  • For the area's varsity coaches: You will always call or e-mail us with your game results immediately upon their completion, under all circumstances, with total understanding of why we weren't there reporting.

    Your stats will already be compiled (and correct) and you will end your call with a pleasantry - such as "your newspaper is the best" or "you guys sure are clever" or "my, how handsome you sound."

  • For expecting couples: You won't try to be creative with the spelling of your children's names.

    Sarah, Steven, Katie, Mark, Tanya, Shawn, Rachel, Lindsay, Brian, Zack, Emily, Eric, Derrick, Alicia, Jeff, Greg, Kristen, Emily, Ashley, Jamie, Rebecca, John, Kara and Tara - will all be spelled just like that.

    If not, you won't complain in 16 years when they're spelled that way in the paper.

  • For our Franklin County football teams: You guys will lift yourselves out of the gutter and start getting some wins.

    Six is an acceptable number - for one team, not for all five of you together.

  • For all sports people: You will stop whining about refs, injuries, weather, the other team's infractions, etc. when your team loses.

    You will just face the fact that your team was outplayed and you will be back to fight another day.

  • For everyone: You will take a trip to the MCI Center sometime in the next few months.

    The world's greatest living champion won't come out of retirement again.

  • For the Baltimore Orioles fan(s, if I'm not the only one left): You will either choose a new team or learn to get excited about just reaching .500.

  • For the Washington Redskins fan(s, if I'm not the only one left): You will be patient with Spurrier.

    Your time is coming.

  • For the Baltimore Ravens fan(s, if there's still more than one of you left): You will start being more humble.

    Your time has passed.

  • For the Terps hoops fans (I know there are still a bunch of you): You will not book another trip to the Final Four, unless you also root for Duke or Pitt.

  • For all ACC, SEC, Big East, Pac-10 and Big 12 college football fans: You will recognize the Big Ten's supremacy and start being a little more respectful.

    Go Buckeyes!

    Andy Mason is a staff writer for The Herald-Mail. His column appears every other Thursday. He can be reached at 301-733-5131, ext. 2334, or by e-mail at

  • The Herald-Mail Articles