"Mature women are like fine wine. The older they get, the sweeter they get."
"I was reading the newspaper the other night about this identity stuff that's going on across America, where they arrested the largest identity theft scandal in the history of the United States. They also said that there is free credit reports that each person is entitled to every year. But they didn't give the name, the telephone number, address or whatever it takes to get this free credit report. Does anyone know how do you get a credit report on yourself? If there a toll-free number, an address or something that you can ask for a credit report and get one? I would appreciate this information."
"I would like to comment on the recent 'Thumbs Up, Thumbs Down' of the $65 million worth of missing white plastic mail tubs. I agree that this is a substantial loss that postal officials should be concerned of. I work at the post office and I see people's mail being given to them in these tubs on a daily basis. I even spotted one in part of a movie scene. My reply is that if our managers are so concerned about me being consistently in my work station or how fast or slow I may work - there is no way I could cost the postal system $65 million. Get off my back and center your efforts to recover these tubs. Or instead of keeping your eye on me, keep it on these tubs. We will all be rewarded in the long run."
"In response to the caller who said 'Harry Potter' promotes witchcraft, this is not true. It promotes imagination, something children lack these days. If you are going to say it promotes witchcraft, then you must not allow your children to watch Disney movies like 'Snow White' since there is a witch in that, or read them classic tales like 'Hansel and Gretel.' You need to relax a bit and allow your child the freedom to use their imagination."
"A question in Mail Call was 'Why do younger men marry older women?' Well, the answer is so simple. It's because they don't want children and with an older lady you're not going to have children and she is going to be a good worker and she'll be your mother plus your wife. So, that is the answer."
"I'm responding to the person who wanted to know what the huge warehouse was on Interstate 70 where Interstate 81 intersects. That's the new Lenox warehouse and, yes, they do make more money than $7 or $8 an hour. Check it out."
"Yes, this is the lady who always saves the coupons for the grocery stores. The woman used to call me to pick them up. I was just wondering if she is still interested or if anyone was. I still have a bunch of them here."
"Put Bill Clinton in a box and stuff him in the attic? No way. You Republicans are going to be reminded of Bill Clinton forever for having the best economy and the best time we've ever had during his administration."
"I was just wondering, they haven't given out the reward money yet for the snipers and I was just wondering if the interest off that money will be included in the total that's given to whoever they determine deserves that reward, or whether there's even interest being drawn on it. It's been there now for a month or so - and $500,000 and some - so the interest off that would be quite a hunk of change."
"On Nov. 22, Tuesday, at noon, someone walked off with my expensive, brown suede jacket at Post 42 American Legion. Being a member for 57 years, I never thought that one veteran would do this to another veteran."
"Go ahead and sue the landlords' association, but if you get away with it, we don't have any law in this country. It's the election board's responsibility and it was the election board that told them they could collect the signatures. The election board's wrong and the consequences should be on them. Let's see if there's any justice. I doubt it."
"Hello, Mail Call. I was wondering if anyone out there knew of a farm where they had free-range turkeys for Christmas time. I imagine we'll see it advertised, but if anyone knows where they are raised and where they can be found I'd like to know. Just call it in to the Mail Call."
"I would like to report a dog found on the Sharpsburg Pike at Lappans Crossroads. It's a little white, very old, poodle, partially blind. Anyway, if anyone knows of anyone who lost a little old poodle, call 301-842-2661."
"The outgoing commissioners wanted a legacy they could be proud of. Unfortunately, their legacy will be 25 years of scorn and ridicule from a community that will be forced to pay for new facilities to support both the hospital move and the Black Rock PUD at the eastern corridor of the county."