Reality shows no worse than Falcons-Bengals

September 27, 2002|by BIG SYD

My system isn't what it used to be.

This week, I had a dull hum ringing in my ears underneath my lid. It couldn't have been because it was too tight ... afterall I'm sporting the new Kevin Mench autographed cap, which leaves me enough room to store lunch for five on top of my head.

No, this was a little more serious.

I was getting too much reality. I flicked on my tube and the new season of programming.

Gone are those great Pocket Fishermen and Dorf on Golf infomercials. Now there's those cheesy, we'll-do-anything-for-money, real people shows. No, I don't mean anyone just signing a contract to play for the Cardinals.

These are people who live on islands or stayed locked in houses for weeks on end or they eat worms that aren't in the bottom of tequila bottles just for profit.


Now, I'll snarf down a little gooseliver tar-tar as quickly as the next guy, but this is leaving me a little queasy.

Remember, I follow sports.

If there was ever a fantasy world, that's it.

This is where Randy Moss earns his merit badge as an Eagle Scout for helping a policeman across the street with his car ... Torture is being stuck with the Navy-Duke football game as the only game being televised. And starving is using beef jerky for lunchmeat on your Sunday NFL hoagie.

But this stuff has me reeling.

I'm not the type who can put up with being voted off an island as the weakest link as the only bachelor in front of 25 women who sing for judges to get a chance at a big recording contract while doing any off-the-wall challenge just to test your nerve.

The funny thing was it wasn't Surviving the Fear Factor of being The Bachelor who looks like The Weakest Link to an American Idol.

No, it wasn't even the Miss America Pageant (I get chills just thinking of it).

I shuddered because I got to see the most horrifying thing they could put on TV on Sunday.

A nationally televised Falcons-Bengals game.

I don't think my heart can take anymore.

On with the predictions. Last week 20-4 (.833), season 63-26 (.708).


Walkersville 27, Boonsboro 15: What's that noise? It's the Lions Grau-ing.

Brunswick 21, South Hagerstown 13: Rebels get worked on by the Railroaders all the live-long game.

Catoctin 34, North Hagerstown 20: Cougars find their direction against North.

Middletown 41, Williamsport 12: It's Knights out for the Wildcats.

Francis Scott Key 35, Smithsburg 22: Leopards remain a little off Key.

South Carroll 33, Frederick 27: Cadets need to re-enlist their offense.

Urbana 28, Thomas Johnson 20: Hawks have to settle for being the best in Frederick instead of in Maryland.

St. John's at Prospect Hall 38, Maryland School for the Deaf 24: Vikings use Monroe to muffle MSD.

Berkeley Springs 44, Petersburg 19: Ugh! Indians make heap big mess of Petersburg.

Sherando 30, Hedgesville 16: Oh-oh. Oh no for Eagles-o again-o.

Jefferson 20, Loudoun County 13: Cougars speak volumes by quieting Loudoun.

Martinsburg 41, Century 6: Bulldogs come out on top at every turn of Century.

Fort Hill 31, Musselman 8: Applemen fritter away another chance.

Susquenita 23, Greencastle 14: Senorita, er, Margarita, er, Susquenita takes this in a hat dance.

Bermudian Springs 35, James Buchanan 18: Bermudian does for football what it's already done for shorts and onions.

West Perry 21, Waynesboro 12: Indians' Shipp came in last week, but this time they'll miss the Perry.


Hancock 19, Chincoteague 13: Panthers take Chincoteague for a pony ride.

Chambersburg 31, Harrisburg 16: Trojans don't horse around against hated Harrisburg.

St. James 27, Potomac School 13: Saints send Potomac up the river.

Lawrenceville 44, Mercersburg Academy 27: A-wonderful. A-wonderful. Lawrence-ville do well-k against the Blue Storm.


Maryland 46, Wofford 10: Friedgen blows his diet with another cupcake.

Penn State 34, Iowa 24: Hawkeyes get M*A*S*Hed by as the Nittany Lions Klinger to the ball.

West Virginia 21, East Carolina 20: For once, the Mountaineers have Carolina on their mind.


Eagles 31, Texans 7: The yellow rose on Texans when Philly got to town.

Browns 21, Steelers 17: The Bus continues to run behind schedule.

Broncos 38, Ravens 14: Nowadays, it only takes a couple bucks to throw the Ravens.

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