Big Sydney - It all points to Prez Sydney

November 02, 2000

Big Sydney - It all points to Prez Sydney

When you got talent, everyone looks to get a little insight.

People come from far and near just to get an eyeful of my work. My index finger is always loaded and drawing a bead on a winner.

History proves it out. All you have to do is look. My finger has been in some pretty important places.

My outstretched digit was the most important detail for Michelangelo for his painting on the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel.

It was the stunt double for E.T. in the movie of the same name.

And what may be its most memorable appearance, my finger was the model for those floppy sponge rubber gizmos that show up at every sporting event known to man.

Now that's representation.

Even the government knows that my index finger draws a crowd. They have commissioned me to be the official finger that points to every lever in voting booths across the country on Tuesday.


I'm sure you've seen the examples and promos. They cleaned it up and got the Cheez Whiz out from under my nail and put a nice white glove over the whole hand and a long white sleeve, complete with cuff link, covering my referee's tog. Look real close, because if you didn't know any better, you would think it's a guest shot for Mickey Mouse or that butler guy from the Ask Jeeves website.

But my finger can be really patriotic too. It has so much power.

With this finger in its extended glory, I may well be the one who elects our next President of the United States.

The polls are saying that Al Gore and George W. Bush are almost in a dead heat in the dash for the White House.

It's all going to come down to my vote, since I own the most powerful finger in the land. Only I will cast the deciding vote for who will lead us for the next four years.

This is some heady stuff. I've been putting my finger through a tough training regiment before I'm forced to make my most important selection of the year. Have faith. After all, I'm right 70 percent of the time.

But, I've been doing 10 Eeny, meeny, minne, moes a day.

I back that up by phone number sprints on a rotary phone dial.

I've been doing laps across 100 Yellow Pages a day.

And I've worked on that lower finger bicep by popping the top of at least six of my favorite beverages each day.

So I'm ready and up to the task. And now, in a sneak preview before the actual moment of truth, my choice next resident for the Pennsylvania Avenue penthouse is .....

Well, me, Big Sydney, of course.

It's not too late to throw my whistle into the ring.

Gore represents the Democratic Party. Bush heads the Republican Party. I'm running for the Tailgate Party.

Gore talks about nature and the urban spread. Bush speaks of the spread of government. Me? Ask me about any point spread (or cheese spread on crackers for a halftime snack).

Gore says he knows foreign policy. Bush is into domestic policy. I've met Carmen Policy.

So I may have started late, but I think I'm as qualified for the President's job. Maybe more so than the rest of those guys.

And if I'm not, I can at point you in the right direction.

Just like I have with the picks. Last week 19-6 (.760). Season 153-65 (.702).

High Schools


North Hagerstown 19, Boonsboro 14: Hubs roll into showdown with South.

Middletown 14, South Hagerstown 3: Rebels can't say the same thing.

Maret 17, Hancock 13: Frogs leap to win in Washington County.

Brunswick 21, Smithsburg 7: Railroaders find rare roll.

Francis Scott Key 28, Catoctin 7: Eagles' flight almost into playoffs.

South Carroll 24, Frederick 21: Cadets go South, then head south.

Urbana 35, Thomas Johnson 8: No hawking the title from Urbana.

Middletown (Pa.) 50, James Buchanan 0: A top-10 team extends Rockets' suffering.

Greencastle 31, Mechanicsburg 29: Jemison closes door with a bang.

Lower Dauphin 33, Chambersburg 17: Trojans not horsing around, but still can't win.

Riverside 40, Martinsburg 14: 'Dogs could be haunted by 1999 replay.


McDevitt 38, Waynesboro 7: Indians don't like life on Irish time.

St. James 24, Model 10: Saints win on life-size scale.

Blair Academy 28, Mercersburg Academy 21: Blue Storm warning suddenly taken off.


Shepherd 20, West Liberty 14: ... and justice for all Rams.

West Virginia 30, Syracuse 20: Two weeks not enough to prepare for Mo-town.

N.C. State 41, Maryland 27: Terps run it up, but 'Pack throws it right by 'em.

Frostburg 27, Greensboro 18: Bobcats stay above .500 again.

Penn State 37, Iowa 3: Lions restore a little roar.


Ravens 24, Bengals 10: Baltimore D allows its one touchdown, and gets one of its own.

Titans 17, Steelers 7: Tennessee in tuxedos for championship party.

Eagles 20, Cowboys 17: Randall's return gets no love in Philly.

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