If only police had arrested my marriage

October 26, 2000

If only police had arrested my marriage

I know marriage is supposed to be about a bond, but this is ridiculous.

Instead of sealing a bond, Tim Faith of Hancock found himself raising one, after police arrived at his wedding Saturday and hauled him off to the calaboose on several traffic charges stemming from a high-speed car chase in July.

The charges included fleeing and eluding, speeding and reckless driving.

Tim, usually guys save that for AFTER the ceremony. Right about the time they sober up and realize what they've done.

According to police reports, this high-speed chase was conducted in a Ford Escort. Good luck making that charge stick - whoever saw the words "Ford Escort" and "high-speed chase" in the same sentence before? A former reporter had a Ford Escort and it wouldn't have hit 55 if you'd dropped it out of a jet aircraft.


If a fleet of police cruisers got ditched by an econobox, no wonder they're ticked enough to bust up some marital bliss.

Police said they had no choice but to raid the wedding, because they'd never been able to find him before when they tried to serve the arrest warrant. Tim said he didn't know he was wanted, and besides, he lives in Hancock and police should have been able to locate him at some more suitable location.

Well what did he expect, an invitation? Hahaha. Nice cursive script: The Maryland State Police and Hancock Municipal Police request you to share in the joy of tossing you behind bars. Reception at the Washington County Detention Center. Commissary to be served.

I have all the sympathy in the world for officers of the law; I know the frustration and wasted time they endure trying to track down people who don't want to be found. And I'm also thinking that if the charges are true and a person has led police on a high-speed chase through three states he might suspect that the authorities will want to have a little talk. But still, to storm a wedding?

Something's fishy. You don't suppose - naah - but I admit, my first instinct was that Tim and the troopers might be in cahoots. It's all just a little too perfect, isn't it?

If only I'd known about this case 15 years ago, it might have saved me a lot of trouble later on. I could have taken a trooper by the epaulet and said in a low voice "OK, look Columbo, here's two boxes of ziti. Wedding's at 2 p.m. Second you hear organ music, you bust through the stained-glass window and get me the heck out of there."

Really, I hate to sound like a male chauvinist oink factory, but if you think about it, there's not a terrible amount of difference between wedding vows and Miranda rights.

Some guy in a uniform reads them to you out of a book. You have the right to remain silent, sick and poor etc., etc. After it's over, they spend a lot of time taking your picture. Then they grab your finger and either jam it into a ring or onto an inkpad.

And face it guys, either way, you're cuffed. As they stuff you in the car and you're driven away, what's the difference whether they throw rice at you or throw the book at you?

Through all this, though, you have got to give a shout out to Tim's fiancee, Kathy. After the arrest, she waited for him to be bailed out and married him anyway. That's love. Most woman would have just bailed. My ex would have shrugged, said "It's probably for the best," and spent the rest of the day doing laundry.

And what a great story to tell the grandkids one day. As Bruce Springsteen said, "Some day we'll look back on this and it will all seem funny." Especially if the first song at the reception was "Jailbreak" by Thin Lizzy.

Tim Rowland is a Herald-Mail columnist

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