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Big Syd could lose weight

September 21, 2000

Big Syd could lose weight



Sorry if I seem a little disoriented this week.

Nothing is the same. The whole world is changing.

It caught me by surprise.

Something has definitely gone awry. I know because I keep checking my official prediction machine and Ouija board for guidance. No matter what I ask it, it either answers "Four" or "The Backstreet Boys."

Oh-oh. Something is definitely wrong.

Or different. "Four" I can handle, but I draw the line at "The Backstreet Boys."

I noticed a shift on Friday. I felt the slight rumble.

Middletown loses to Francis Scott Key and is 0-2 for the season.

I quickly let out the seams in the pants of my radiation suit.

Then word came down that North Hagerstown and South Hagerstown won football games - both on the same day.

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I got scared. The last time that happened some strange phenomenon occurred.

I lost weight.

I was waiting for that Cleo woman with the funny looking smoke burning behind her to call me for a Tarot Card reading.

I quickly went to check my handy swimming pool/bomb shelter combo to see if it was ready. Make sure the water is out, the cable and reclining chair are in and my jerky supply is full.

Something big is going to happen.

Then to top it all off, I look at the Monocacy Athletic League standings. North, South, FSK, Boonsboro and Williamsport on top. Forget the earth, the meek are starting to inherit what had become a pretty predictable football league.

Middletown, Walkersville, Brunswick, Smithsburg and Catoctin as scrambling to find space to snooze on the league doormat.

That can't be right. Is the moon full?

Oh geez, it was.

The next thing you know the Steelers will be in last place and the Cleveland Browns will be in first.

Oh no, the Iron Curtain needs patching and the Slash on Kordell Stewart's nickname stood for backup (slash) clipboard carrier.

It's happening.

The next thing you know, the Orioles won't be able to play a meaningless game in under six hours.

Oh no, it took Baltimore nine hours (with the help of rain) to play on Tuesday.

The world isn't ready for this - it's used to it, but it's not ready for it.

If the shift continues, the next thing you'll know, ESPN's Kenny Mayne will be a game show host.

Oh no, hang on. The only redeeming factor is I didn't say he's be good at it.

I can't handle this. My dog and cat are sharing a chew toy.

I bought baked potato chips and liked them.

I actually watched part of the Olympics.

Save me. And all this because North and South Hagerstown won a football game in the same week and are tied for first place in the MVAL.

I grabbed myself by my whistle and yelled, "Get a hold of yourself, Syd. Drop and give me 20." I hit the ground and pulled two $10 out of my wallet.

But just when you think the whole world is out of control, a little glimpse of sanity peeks through.

Not everything is out of whack. Even with the publicity of Mount Hype - more and enough money spent to feed my immediate family, the Redskins are exactly where they have been for most of the last decade.

Hey, Washington always strives to be as good as Dallas and they have accomplished that. They are both 1-2.

Sigggggh. There is at least something normal to hang on.

Pass another Pop Tart ... I gotta keep my weight up.

On with the predictions. Last week 17-12 (.586); season 49-26 (.653)

HIGH SCHOOLS


Today

South Hagerstown 14, Boonsboro 12: Now Rebels start a winning streak.

Francis Scott Key 23, North Hagerstown 14: Hubs locked up after big win last week.

Walkersville 20, Smithsburg 16: I'd be Lion if I said I didn't think twice here.

Brunswick 18, Williamsport 13: Ugh.

Middletown 36, Catoctin 6: A third Knight-fall? Not here.

Northern Garrett 30, Berkeley Springs 19: Indians check out Husky-sized football.

Robert C. Byrd 27, Musselman 10: Applemen beat up by an old guy? Say it ain't so.

Martinsburg 34, Hedgesville 20: Eagles can't 'Dog it against rival.

Jefferson 33, Stone Bridge 28: Cougars cross Bridge for first win.

East Pennsboro 44, James Buchanan 8: High flying EP lives on Rocket fuel.

Greencastle 26, Big Spring 9: Ho-hum, Devils cruise some more.

Waynesboro 16, Red Land 12: Indian dump truck hauling Land.

Cedar Cliff 30, Chambersburg 17: Trojans sent over Cliff in a barrel.

Saturday

Hancock 34, Bishop Walsh 8: Panthers vs. Brandon Walsh? Easy pick.

Scotland 23, Trinity 14: Cadets march back into winning step.

Mercersburg Academy 46, The Hun School 12: No Attilas on the roster here.

Maret 24, St. James 19: Things a little too Frog-gy for Saints.

COLLEGES


Ohio State 36, Penn State 7: Buckeyes leave PSU with black eye.

Miami 41, West Virginia 20: It's 'Touchdown City' all right ... for the 'Canes.

Maryland 38, Middle Tennessee State 13: This is why MTSU is the Blue Tigers.

Shepherd 24, East Stroudsburg 20: Rams just tough enough on road.

Methodist 44, Frostburg State 7: And I'm not even Methodist ...

Clarion 31, Shippensburg 19: This Shipp is reeling with another loss.

PROS


Ravens 38, Bengals 16: No mud, and the Bungles? No problem.

Giants 24, Redskins 17: A loss leaves 'Skins with a Giant task.

Titans 27, Steelers 10: In this story, Titan-ic doesn't sink.

Saints 20, Eagles 17: Philly can't McNabb second win.

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