Big Sydney Games - I like that sound

September 14, 2000

Big Sydney Games - I like that sound

It's tough not to get a swelled head when you hear your name so much on television. Just ask Tiger Woods.

Well, move over Tiger. There's a new big-headed man on the scene. And his name is Sydney.

That's right. Sydney. You've surely been hearing that name all over the dial (although you young-un's may not know what I mean by dial).

Yep, the Summer Olympics have come to my town, the city they named after me.

Didn't know that? That conversation went something like this:

Aussie 1: Ay, mate! That's a big city, there. What'll we name her?

Aussie 2: Big Sydney? Throw another shrimp on the barbie. The sheilas are comin' in from the outback soon.

Aussie 1: Ay, Big Sydney! That's what we'll call her. G'day!

But soon enough, they stopped calling it Big Sydney. Some croc-wrestling native apparently told folks, "Ay, why not just call her Sydney. You can see she's big just by looking at her. Pass me a Foster's."


So, the 'Big' in Big Sydney was dropped forever. I filed a lawsuit, but realized if the Australians would allow Men At Work to have a career, they would allow almost anything.

Therefore, I'm making a proposal to the Australian government and the International Olympic Committee. In exchange for dropping my lawsuit - Big Sydney vs. what-once-was-called-Big-Sydney-and-is-now-just-boring-old-Sydney - I would like permission to hold my own Olympic games.

The Big Sydney games ... to be held right here in the Tri-State area.

Take a seat, Baltimore and Washington. No Olympics for you.

The Big Sydney games would include such feats of athletic prowess as:

White Water Rafting: Hey, all the rain we got this summer would make the Potomac perfect for rafting - in bathtubs, of course.

No? OK, we'll use the Antietam Creek. In Funkstown, near the sewage treatment plant.

Diving: A little more rain and Municipal Stadium would be the perfect venue. Springboard off the dugout, platform diving from the press box.

Soccer: Nah, we probably could not get any officials.

Speed skating: Gotta pay the light bill first.

Cruising: Right down Dual Highway. Heck, Hagerstown could get its first gold medalist in this event.

And to ensure good turnout from the locals, I'm all set with tip jars and bingo.

Who knows? Maybe we can make those events, as well. Do you think MSNBC would broadcast those?

Just wondering.

On with the predictions. Last week 18-7 (.720). Season 32-14 (.696)


Brunswick 17, Boonsboro 7: Mitchell's been workin' on the Railroaders since last week's loss.

Beall 41, Hancock 6: Panthers get rung up again.

Walkersville 30, North Hagerstown 6: I'd be Lion if I said I thought the Hubs were going to win.

South Hagerstown 34, Smithsburg 12: South's streak ends just 2,613 games short of Cal Ripken's.

Catoctin 23, Williamsport 20: The Cougars have a Favorite receiver.

Old Mill 44, Frederick 21: Old Mill or new, Cadets will be put through it.

Middletown 37, Francis Scott Key 12: A Knights' loss last week doesn't bode well for the Eagles this week.

Westmar 34, Berkeley Springs 16: 'Cats won't need General Westmarland to beat Berkeley.

Musselman 48, Southern Garrett 6: Musselman's pre-game meal: Pork chops and applesauce.

Hedgesville 25, Loudoun Valley 21: Loudoun Valley slinks away quietly.

Potomac Falls 31, Jefferson 28: Ever ridden over Potomac Falls in a barrel?

Martinsburg 23, Stone Bridge 7: Bulldogs will cross that bridge when they get to it.

Mechanicsburg 52, James Buchanan 6: Can Mechanicsburg fix JB's offense?

Greencastle 27, Palmyra 18: Yet another Jem for the Blue Devils.

Cumberland Valley 45, Waynesboro 19: See CV throw ... see CV score ... see CV score again ...

Chambersburg 31, Red Land 17: Red Land is Chambersburg's land.


Mercersburg Academy 41, Kiski School 12: Is this school about kissing or skiing??

Sidwell Friends 38, St. James 14: Al Gore is a friend of Sidwell.

Thomas Johnson 27, Crossland 6: TJ goes down to Crossland ... and wins.


West Virginia 27, Maryland 23: Mountaineers will do some Nehlen and prayin'.

Penn State 36, Pittsburgh 30: The Backyard Brawl gets ugly.

Georgia Tech 47, Navy 13: I'm a rambling wreck from Georgia Tech ... and I don't have insurance either.

Shepherd 48, St. Joseph's 7: Pumas will need some aspirin after this one.

Shippensburg 27, Millersville 19: Things look ship-shape in Shippensburg.

Frostburg 31, Allegheny 13: Gators will be suffering from Frost-bite.


Steelers 28, Browns 24: No Brownout for Pittsburgh.

Packers 31, Eagles 20: If you put the "v'' in front of the "r'', shouldn't we say that letter first, Brett?

Ravens 23, Dolphins 13: On the night Miami retires Dan Marino's jersey number, the Dolphins' current QB also quits.

Redskins 38, Cowboys 17: Ever pull wings off a fly? That easy.

The Herald-Mail Articles