Big Sydney: Fantasy drafts are always a gamble

August 31, 2000

Big Sydney: Fantasy drafts are always a gamble

I had bought the magazines - Pro Fantasy Football 2000, Football World, Sports Illustrated, Playboy.

Oh, never mind that last one.

Anyway, I was ready for my fantasy football draft. My own little war room in the corner of someone's living room ... papers everywhere ... pencils flying ... under-the-breath muttering when the guy I want is taken.

In one word - heaven.

Mrs. Sydney has never understood the point of these things. I leave for four hours, come home with the names of 15 guys that I mostly don't care about and proceed to yell at them for the next 17 weeks.

Later, I'm cursing out players like Marc Edwards, a over-the-hill fullback with absolutely no talent whatsoever. However, whenever Tim Couch is about to go down for his 75th sack of the season, he bails out to Edwards, who is so wide open because there's seven guys on Couch. And he rumbles into the end zone.


And he's playing against me.

This is bad because ...?

So I promised myself I would draft Marc Edwards this year, just so he wouldn't kill me like he would last season. Which makes me wonder, who'll kill me this year?

No matter - I was convinced I would win, and I hadn't picked up Kurt Warner yet.

Then the day of the draft came, and I knew things would be bad. I couldn't find my lucky left shoe. My four-leaf clover was mistaken for cilantro at dinner the night before.

We meet, and set up the rules. No goofing around here; we mean big business. Regis Philbin might as well be playing, because the winner doesn't need to ask, "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire?" The first name out of your mouth is the guy you get - no questions asked.

I draft seventh out of 12. The names start flying: Peyton Manning, Marshall Faulk, Warner (dangit!), Fred Taylor, Randy Moss, Edgerrin James.

Seventh. That's me! I study the papers, a bead of sweat trickles down my forehead. Who do I take? Terrell Davis? Brett Favre? Marvin Harrison?

While pondering the biggest decision I've made since my last fantasy draft, my unmatched wit gets the best of me.

I mumble to myself I should take a gamble on Art Schlichter. Sure it's a mean, cruel joke - to me, after the bum next to me was eavesdropping. "He said Art Schlichter! He said Art Schlichter! I heard it!"

The league president confirms.

Art Schlichter it is.

Things leveled out from there, but then again, a flatline is always level. And I got Marc Edwards.

So my passing combination is either Art Schlichter or Kerry Collins.

The name of my team? The Lawyers.

On with the predictions. Last week: 5-0 (1.000).


Musselman 31, Sherando 21: Applemen muscle up on these Virginia boys.

James Wood 20, Hedgesville 10: Is it soup yet? Steve Campbell, late of Hancock and Southern Garrett, returns to area with Wood.

Jefferson 27, Keyser 26: Wasn't Jefferson Keyser president of the Confederate states?

Martinsburg 19, Greenbrier East 6: I hear the lake at Greenbrier was much cleaner this year.

Bishop Guilfoyle 45, James Buchanan 6: How many Bishops make a Cardinal?

Greencastle-Antrim 28, Indian Valley 17: Jemison? Isn't that the weekend TV sports guy?

Waynesboro 34, Shippensburg 18: Mahaffey (the coach, not the golfer) gets Indians on the winning track.

Gettysburg 31, Chambersburg 14: Warriors come out on top in this Trojan war.


Berkeley Springs 25, Bishop Walsh 19: Well, one of the area's long losing streaks will end this week.


Shepherd 21, Shippensburg 19: Rams get early upper hand for playoff position.

Penn State 48, Toledo 11: Holy Toledo, JoePa! This one is a cinch.

Boston College 28, West Virginia 24: Da chowds get da best of da Mounties.

Navy 38, Temple 13: Is it Homecoming already for the Middies?


Redskins 27, Panthers 16: Norv's job is safe for this week.

Ravens 33, Steelers 10: There's a Slash joke here that I'm just going to avoid.

Cowboys 24, Eagles 21: There was an owner had a coach and Campo was his name-o.

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