Big Sydney - Sydney survives another scary summer

August 25, 2000

Big Sydney - Sydney survives another scary summer

Greetings from Pulau Tiga. My, what a summer it's been. You know what they say: It's been real, it's been fun, but it hasn't been real fun.

After the way the football season ended in January, I knew for sure it was time for me to get away for a while. I mean, the Rams and Titans in the Super Bowl? What in the name of Dan Pastorini was that all about?

So, on the advice of my good friend, the late Pete Axthelm - yeah, we still talk now and then - I took a trip to this little, out of the way island near Borneo for a little R&R. Rest and ... well, lots of rest.

About three months passed before I saw a soul on this island, but then ... wow, you'd have thought they were filming a documentary. Camera crews, a smarmy-looking game-show host type and 16 folks who were dressed like they were going on a nature hike.


I paid them little mind at first. Besides, I had other things to think about - the demise of the run-and-shoot offense, where is the nearest Sheetz, why A+B always equals C.

But pretty soon I realized that their party was getting smaller. It seemed like once a week, another person would disappear. First it was an older woman, then an older man. Two more women. Two more men.

I was getting worried now. They'd get together and have these ritual meetings. Then the Regis wannabe would put out somebody's torch and it would end. The next day that person was gone.

But that's not all. I haven't even told you about the guy who liked to walk around naked.

I thought I had better look into this before Bob Barker came and put my torch out. I talked to one of the women, an attractive young thing named Jenna. Turns out she's a football fan, so needless to say we hit it off right away. (Her theory on the demise of the run-and-shoot was that it made Scott Milanovich look like a real quarterback).

She told me that the people in her group were trying to win $1 million. I told her that was an easy one. All she had to do was look under the big 'W.'

Jenna said she would keep that in mind. She had another council meeting that night. I asked her to try to convince that one guy to put some clothes on ... and to ask Alex Trebek if he had an extra copy of the 'Jeopardy' home game.

But that was the last I saw of Jenna. The next morning she was gone.

I approached Naked Guy and asked if he had seen her. He mooned me.

I tried to ask Pat Sajak about it, but he reached for his fire extinguisher. At that point, I got out of there. I don't know what happened to those other torchless folks, but I wasn't about to join them.

I minded my own business from then on, staying on my side of the island, leaving Gene Rayburn over there to play his little human 'Match Game.'

I did, however, sneak a peek Wednesday when I heard a small bit of applause. I peered out from behind a tree to see Naked Guy standing at the edge of the water doing a little dance. I can only guess he got the million.

Watching that dance - a lot like watching a car wreck, believe me - I knew I had seen enough. In fact, I had seen much more than enough. It's time to come home. I survived another summer.

On with the predictions. Last year: 221-73 (.752)


Musselman 17, Martinsburg 10: The Applemen won't score a lot of points, but they'll score enough.

Hampshire 41, Berkeley Springs 20: They're better, but the Indians' losing streak continues.

Wheeling Park 34, Hedgesville 6: They're better, but the Eagles' losing streak continues.

Loudoun County 30, Jefferson 19: But lots of yards for Da-man ... er, Damon McDowell.


USC 28, Penn State 13: Casey may need a bat to keep SoCal's defensive line away.

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