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Make offer on Y2K goods

January 05, 2000

The Herald-Mail CLASSIFIEDS Day After Y2K Edition

* 1115 Machinery/Equip./Tools

Vanguard 4000 Watt AC/DC generator - Mint condition. Never used. Seemed like good idea at the time. $1,000 or trade for something with coconut on it.

550 Watt Kohler-Power 8.5 hp ppg generator - One owner. Only used once by one owner. Unfortunately, that one owner used generator once indoors, so previous owner won't be needing any surplus heat where he's going, if you get our drift. Make offer.

300 Watt Power Inverter - Not sure what it does, but they swore on the Art Bell Radio Show that we needed one to survive the Millennium. Makes a good cake stand, in any case. $50.


Self-Powered Shortwave Radio - Defective from time it was new ... lots of the programs don't come in in English. Other than that works OK. A lot like CNN, without the pictures. $70.


1998 Humvee - Like new/loaded. Power windows, power seats, power gun. Just don't try to drive through soft-cloth automatic car wash. Believe me I know. $30,000.


427 Cases Bottled Water - Will pay $2 a case to haul away. Wife says if not gone from garage in one week she'll start throwing out my carefully preserved Car and Driver magazines and Big Bertha I through XXVII golf club collection.

Four Dozen Packages Military Issue MRE "Chef's Special" Selection - You thought C-rations good, wait til you taste these. Mmmm-mmm. Noodle-flavor substance and ground meat MRE with artificial wintergreen toothpick for dessert. For added taste treat, try noodle-flavor substance and ground meat "with salt" MRE.

Hydroponics: grow your own food without soil kit - Great for people who don't have access to their own gardens, but heavens you can only live on an all tomato diet for so many weeks, you know what I'm saying? 25 cents, or trade for hamburger, medium rare.


Computer consultant, crisis readiness division f/t - Skilled at taking something that is working just fine and not doing anything to make it work any worse. Past responsibilities include upholding the law of gravity and seeing to it that the sun comes up on a regular basis. 100 percent success rate.

Southern AM radio preacher - Experienced, but predicted end of earth and burned down transmitter as testament to faith. Woke up Saturday morning and everything was A-OK. Who knew? But prediction on second-quarter locust infestation still solid. Count on it.


SWMM - Single white militia member seeking new unit. Turn-ons include long walks on a landmine-infested beach and sitting in front of a fireplace on a long winter evening burning tax records. Turn-offs include shallow graves and guys who leave the toilet seat in the kitchen.

Tim Rowland is a Herald-Mail columnist.

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