"I have solved the problem on how to finance the new baseball stadium. We should all call on our local drug dealers to contribute a million or two from their ill-gotten gains. Just to push them along, tell them the information that we will relay to the federal prosecutors if they don't."
"I sure think those people who are for handgun control are really smart. All laws against guns will really work. We made drugs illegal and that sure has worked, too, hasn't it?"
"As MaiI Call takes both sides of an issue, I would like to say that I also went to the Clear Spring carnival and the music that the Country Seasons band played was good music. God help us when people play bad music. Let's be fair about things. People hear things two different ways."
"To sell your bottles, please call 301-582-3170."
"I am calling about the restrooms over at Marty Snook Park. We have been over there for ballgames and it seems that the only ones open are the ones there when you first go into the park. There are other ones there, but they were padlocked. If you are back there in the last ball diamond, you have to go clear out front. If you are handicapped and have problems, they may not make it to the restroom. So someone please take care of that."
"I wanted to say that the black doberman is back, but there is more to it than that. He seems to be crippled, like that disease that dogs get. He practically drags his hind quarters around."
"I am a student at Frostburg State University in downtown Hagerstown. I recently completed a summer school class that let out at 10 at night. I hope they don't put the University of Maryland Campus downtown. Not once have I ever seen police and I sure do wonder about the security in downtown Hagerstown."
"I am packing up and moving to Pensicola, Fla., where I can put my kids in a private school where they can get an education because they sure aren't getting one in Washington County."
"What a great day I had on Sunday at the Summer Fun Fest at Red Run Park. It was great to see the groups SHeDAISY, Possum Holler, Lila McCann and Michael Peterson. They were all good. Keep it up. I had a great time on Sunday."
"I have a moped and I cannot ride it in Pennsylvania because I do not have a moped license or a tag on it, which Maryland does not require. Now as a citizen of the United States of America, a taxpayer that paid his taxes before I became disabled, do I have the right, can I catch a Pennsylvania car smoking and pull him over for clean air in the state of Maryland or West Virginia? They come over here, but I can't ride my moped in that dirty, filthy, stinking state of Pennsylvania. I am a citizen, can I pull them over? Do I get a police officer on the CB to come and give him a ticket for air pollution or do I just let it go by? If you think you people in Pennsylvania can come over here in Maryland and fog up our clean air? I will be watching."
"To the lady who wanted the cabinet moved from her basement. She can call me at 301-791-9743 and I will move it for her."
"To the mayor of Williamsport, what makes you exempt from using water to clean the streets and run the street sweepers? This isn't just your town, it is our town also, the citizens' town also. If you can't abide by the rules, I hope someone has the guts to run for mayor the next election. Remember mayor, we have a ban on water and we need to conserve our water. We citizens have to conserve water and so should you, our mayor."
"Congratulations to the Hagerstown Pony League's 13-year-old All-Star team, the East Zone champs. You finally made the newspaper. Everyone is so proud of you. It is a great accomplishment to set the record above teams from the East Zone and this means that you are good. Congratulations, also to Manager Rick Suder, who we understand is tops. Hey team, should we charter the bus for Williamsport, Pa., for next season?"
"Can anyone explain to me how a man armed with a borrowed ink pen is able to rob a bank through a drive-through window?"