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Taco Bell may not toll in Sharpsburg

April 08, 1999

I see where the ongoing battle to bring food to Sharpsburg suffered another serious blow last week when government officers said it was doubtful that Taco Bell would get the necessary exemptions to build a restaurant.

But Taco Bell would fit in so well with Sharpsburg's historical theme. They could market the Taco Belle Boyd, the Aaron Burrito and the Natchez Grande.

n It was good to see that the National Little League team will be able to keep its charter and continue to compete for the right to go to the Little League Championship in Williamsport, Pa.

Had the charter been revoked, it would have reduced Little League to just a bunch of kids going out on the field and playing for fun.

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* So do you think 150 years from now people will be debating whether to keep the old Elliott House or tear it down to make room for a personal spacecraft parking tarmac?

In the end it will go, because given our track record, no history will be remembered here, and no one will have any idea, or care, about who owned the house or what if any significance the ancestral owners may have had in the community.

* I won't be able to thank the City of Hagerstown enough if it follows through on proposals to eliminate mixed paper recycling and scale back garbage pickup to one night a week.

Taking something out to the curb once a week is plenty enough of an obligation for me.

If you start having garbage night, paper night, bottle night, can night, garbage II night, plastic night, aluminum foil night and every other sort of nocturnal portage for refuse that a starving rat wouldn't touch - well, when's a man supposed to find the time to work on his rotisserie baseball projections, oops, I mean work on his taxes.

* Duh of the week: USA Today gives this advice in the event of a tornado - "Leave your mobile home..."

* Certain things are expected of me, and I know a lot of you are awaiting my comments on the news story over the weekend about a study that showed West Virginians have the highest rate of toothlessness nationwide.

However, I think there comes a time when instead of poking fun, we have to treat real problems with a degree of seriousness and decorum - so, sorry to disappoint you, but I will not be making any West Virginia toothless jokes today.

* Can someone please explain to me again why it's immoral for us to plug one cruel, sadistic leader between the eyes when he walks out for his morning paper, but it's all right to allow thousands of his enemies and his own people to die in the name of a 600-year-old grudge?

* But if I did make a joke, it would involve possum-flavored Jell-O.

* Everyone but me seems pretty upset at the fellow who is accused of writing the Melissa e-mail virus. But to me, he offended all the right people: Microsoft Word users, America Online, the government. Incidentally, is it just coincidence that anyone who's accused of a computer crime seems to get nabbed on America Online?

Not to start any conspiracy theories or anything, but do you suppose that America Onhold secretly allows the government to routinely monitor all your AOL e-mail messages? No, I'm sure it's nothing like that.

* Stolen from a recent Lynn and Robin Williams/Green Mountain concert at Hagerstown Community College: "If the good Lord didn't intend for man to eat animals, then why did He make them out of meat?"

It's like my old college roommate Ken used to say: If you want to make some chicken broth, you have to break some chickens. We never entirely understood Ken.




Tim Rowland is a Herald-Mail Columnist

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