"Wanted: one man to marry for medical health insurance. I will pay for marriage and divorce. I need medical health benefits for three years. I will pay you $100 a month plus any increase in your health insurance costs. Your life will not change except for putting me on your medical insurance. Please respond to Mail Call."
"Who's this Pork Chop that lives in Boonsboro? Every time I turn around someone is talking about this Pork Chop. Just who is he and what does he do?"
"To be inscribed on Carl Perkins' tombstone - 'Don't Step On My Blue Suede Grave.'"
"It's a shame that Mr. Freeman is trying to get money out of the taxpayers. He knew all the while when he was sitting there, that the idea was to do nothing but sue the state of Maryland or Washington County or whatever and it's sad because that's all anyone wants to do anymore. Sue, sue, sue and it's just not right."
"Boy, that Billy Clinton sure does have some active hormones. I think he ought to hire Dr. Ruth as one of his cabinets for to be his advisor on hormone control."
"Hi Mail Call. I'd just like to let everyone know that the Valentine's dance at the Boonsboro Legion on Feb. 14 is not being organized by the South Mountain Little League this year and that money being collected for tickets and tip jars in no way helps our kids in the South Mountain Little League. I'm sure if you inquire as to why, the officers at the Legion can explain."
"I'm not gonna take a bath, brush my teeth, shave or change my underwear until everyone of these county commissioners are voted out of office."
"Does anyone out there know of a support group for people going through a divorce? If so please call in with the information."
"Doesn't anyone make slip covers for chairs, couches, etc. anymore or do you have to go to a department store or interior decorator which is very costly?"
"Yeah, this is for Lew Metzner Mr. Metzner, don't act like you don't know what the problems are up there at the police department. You're told on a daily basis by the officers and citizens there why there's no manpower available at the front desk or anywhere else so don't act surprised when this goes in the paper. Why don't you do your job and do something about it?"
"Hey Mail Call, does anyone out there know when the new Volkswagen Beetles are going to come to area dealers? I hope it's soon."
"If we are now experiencing global warming just how do they explain the 68 degree temperature on Jan. 21, 1906?"
"Mrs. Clinton said that she and the president cleaned out closets over the weekend. I wonder how many skeletons they found?"
"I've been trying to find a baton and dance school since our old one closed. Does anyone know of one located in the Hagerstown or Tri-State area? If so, please reply in Mail Call."
"OK all you President Clinton lovers, let's see him get out of this one."
"This is a message for Mayor Bruchey. We're sorry that you had to walk into the Police Department and pick up the phone in order to get a hold of somebody but maybe in the future they can roll out the red carpet for you. We didn't realize that you were that special."
"Remember it might be the early bird that catches the worm but it's the second mouse that gets the cheese."
"Thank God Bill Clinton is finally brought down by modern electronics."
"Yes. If I go to a restaurant and I don't like the food, I don't go back. If I go to the movies and I don't like the way that I'm treated, I don't go back. Now I wish that people that go to the ice rink and complain that they don't like it would just not go back. But quit griping. Nobody cares if your kids come back or not."