"Yes, what kind of newspaper is The Daily Mail? You have on the front page a story about some cereal idea, some unidentified man walking on the street and somebody by the name of James Bonds. Is that all you have to report on? Don't you guys have something better to report?"
"I want to do a locally produced infomerical. First, I need an obnoxious fast talking salesman. I'll find a few of these to choose from downtown in various offices and chambers. Of course, they'll have to fake the British accent. Next, I'll need an audience of spellbound buffoons smiling and clapping their hands like a bunch of seals at the circus. That should be easy to find in Washington County. Finally, I need a product to sell. This product will be sold as the greatest thing that ever came down the pike. Something you can't live without, but in reality it will be much more expensive than you were told and it will not perform up to expectations. A nice sewer plant, paper recycling facility or warehouse with $5 an hour jobs should do. Do you think anyone would stay up late to watch it?"
"It seems as if calls that do not support the need for equestrian facilities at the fairgrounds somehow are never printed. I and others have questioned before the need for such a facility when there is an arena and stables at the Ag Center. It seems to me that soccer fields would be a much wiser choice and could be utilized by many more of our young people. Horseback riding is certainly a beautiful thing to watch but also very expensive when it comes to show riding."
"Hi Mail Call. Once in awhile I'll tune into a few of the several TV talk shows just to see if they continue to insult the intelligence of the viewing public. Well, they still do. One will try to out rate the other with their ridiculously stupid contestants or whatever they are supposed to be called. I'd also like to see some of these talk shows boycotted until the producers come up with something more in line with subjects that people will believe and with more meaning and honesty. When there's a show of long lost relatives that meet again, did you ever see so many make believe tears? Either that or no enthusiasm at all. It's obvious that they had gotten together before the show."
"If handguns are considered a public nuisance by a bunch of lying liberal Philadelphia lawyers, then what would you call the low life, drug dealing scum that pulls the trigger?"
"The United States government, the department of Agriculture has classified alcohol as a drug. That means that all the liquor stores and bars are drug dealers but they can't sell cigarettes. Isn't that strange?"
"This so-called war on drugs is nothing more than a bad joke. The dealers consider the police nothing more than a nuisance, the lawyers get rich on drug money defending the dealers, the politicians get elected with anti-crime rhetoric and the police use the problem as an excuse for bigger budgets and new officers who spend their time running speed traps, writing tickets for loud stereos, seatbelts and other stuff designed to create revenue for the state. How many known dealers are walking the street and why? If the people responsible lived in one of these so-called hot spots or if they had a backbone, the problem would be fixed. Take the out-of-towners out to the interstate and send them down the road under the threat of prosecution and arrest the known local dealers instead of playing with them. I'll gladly pay the increased taxes to build the jail and hire the lawyers to defend the county against the ACLU and the federal government."
"To whomever called in about the winning cook article. I thought the same thing until I reread the caption under the picture. It says she can't share or describe the entry that earned her a finalist spot in the bake off. That entry wasn't the chili."
"This is to all the friendly motorists of Hagerstown. I just wanted to say that I've now checked with the City Police Department and Locust Street is in fact a one-lane street so from now on if anyone who tries to pass me on Locust Street will be cut off and if you hit me, I'll see you in court."
"Is anyone else out there absolutely thrilled to see the Dallas Cowboys out of the playoffs finally?"
"Hey, we've sued the tobacco companies and now we're suing the gun companies, the gun manufacturing companies. Heck, let's sue the automobile manufacturing companies because they contribute to billions and billions and billions of dollars in lost revenue because of accidents and things of their manufactured products. Let's sue them next and then we can find someone else after that. Let's go get the automobile manufacturers next to sue them. Come on, come on attorneys, jump on it."
"Mail Call. I will be very, very brief. This ice skating rink isn't going to make it."