Terry Talbert: There are losses, and then there are losses

October 12, 1997

Losses can be good, and they can be bad. Take, for example, Cleveland's opener against Baltimore in the playoffs.

Bad. Definitely bad, if you're a Tribe fan.

Speaking of the wonderful, talent-laden Indians, I read an article in the Baltimore Sun the other day about the two teams and the cities they represent. Not a whole lot of difference, the writer said.

All in all a good article. But I DO wish he wouldn't have brought up the day the Cuyahoga River caught on fire. It's really getting old.

My advice to this writer, should he ever again happen to pen a few punches about Cleveland: Can the burning water story. Stuff it. Forget it. Deep Six it. Do anything with it except write about it. If you must write disparaging words about Cleveland, talk about the Zebra mussels in Lake Erie.


Now, that's something for Clevelanders to get Pfisterical about.

I think you get my point.

Losses, good and bad ... there are plenty of examples - like the case of the missing garbage in West Virginia. A reader called me Thursday to tell me she and her husband lost their trash shortly after putting it out for pickup.

She called me because she found this extremely funny (her husband didn't) and thought that I would think so, too. "I think we're kindred spirits," she told me. Poor woman.

But back to her story. The woman said her husband put out the properly tagged garbage bag, only to come back later and find it gone. It was one of those good losses, the woman reckoned.

She got a hefty laugh out of it until her husband checked the street in front of their house again later, and found another garbage bag where the missing bag had been. This one was a brown one, not black, and it wasn't tagged. Because it wasn't tagged, the trash man wouldn't pick it up. The couple was stuck holding someone else's bag.

Bad loss, as it turned out.

Losses ... Hmmm. I know a man who is losing his hair. Bad loss. Real bad. Last I heard, he was attempting to dye what was left a garish color, in hopes of detracting attention from that which was no longer there. I hear he also was sending away to South America for powered iguana livers in hopes they would help cut his losses by regenerating his collapsed follicles.

Losses ... Here in the newsroom, we occasionally talk about loss. For example, a co-worker who happens to own a cat was talking about a new treatment she had found for fleas.

It seems the flea population became so great that one fuzzy body wasn't enough to sustain them.

They had been forced to jump ship, so to speak. Unfortunately, a lot of them landed on the carpet and assorted pieces of furniture. Some even landed on my co-worker.

Cat's loss. Cat's gain. Co-worker's loss. Bad loss. Bad.

My co-worker went to her vet, who recommended a new anti-flea drug. "It's a form of flea birth control," she said. "You give it to them in pill form."

They must be very teeny weeny pills. I mean, how big can a flea's mouth be?

Losses ... A friend of mine's mother recently lost her teeth in the Bay while leaning over the side of a fishing boat. Bad loss. Expensive loss.

Losses ... Baseball losses ... .

Yeah, I'm back to baseball.

What did you expect? I'm from Cleveland, after all. Do you know how many losses Tribe fans have suffered through over the years? Too many to count. So I'm not counting any more losses right now.

At least not until the Indians win.

Go tribe!

Terry Talbert is a Herald-Mail staff writer.

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