"The call concerning the profane Promise Keepers is probably an isolated incident. They don't keep out pagans, they hope to help them. Obviously not everyone's going to be helped though."
"To the person involved in the removal of a light green 1971 Chevy pickup truck from South Mulberry Street between Sept. 15 and Sept. 30. As you are well aware, this is stealing. This is a crime for which you can be charged and prosecuted for and trust us, you can be. Maybe not now but eventually you will slip up and be caught. This truck is not only an investment but to us, has sentimental value. This was given to us by our father so this value can not be replaced except to have the truck back in our possession. Someone out there knows something about this incident so we strongly suggest that you contact the Hagerstown City Police because they do have this incident on file. Please do us all a favor including yourself, call and return our truck with no questions asked. You will feel much better about yourself and live with a clear conscience knowing that you did the right thing. This truck does not belong to you since we have the title in our possession. It belongs to us."
"Why doesn't Attorney General Janet Reno prosecute Clinton III, El Presidente, for obstruction of justice?"
"This is for Tim Rowland. I would suggest that you do a lot of research before you shoot your mouth off and I ask the Lord to forgive you for that was absolutely disgusting what you said about the Promise Keepers. I didn't know how little you knew. Goodbye."
"I'd like to make a comment about the seat belt law. We have our school buses, we have our cycle riders, and our farmers on tractors and they don't wear seat belts. I heard the other day that the student on buses are protected by the seat in front of them. To me, my steering wheel is my protection but the Constitution of the United States tells me that I have freedom of speech, freedom of religion and also my freedom of rights. If I want to wear a seat belt it is my own choice. That's the way I feel about it and I'll tell you, if I ever get in a serious accident and I'm being restrained by a seat belt because I can't get out of my vehicle and I'm injured because of my restraint, I'll get myself a lawyer and I'll sue the State of Maryland and the lawmakers and I won't have no trouble getting this lawyer because most of them are hungry for money anyway. Thank you very much Mail Call."
"I'd like to elect Ronnie Smith (Smittie), Bille Kline, Billy Kendle or Eddie Stoneberger for mayor of Smithsburg. Thank you Mail Call."