"Hi Mail Call. This message goes out to our former mailman, Mr. Kendall. We just want to say hello and that we miss you so much, especially our two little boys and our dog Jake. Thank you."
"Buckle up when you're driving your cars and don't forget to turn on your headlights when you're using your windshield wipers. Isn't it just great that our Democrat legislators and Democrat governor are always thinking about us? We no longer need to think for ourselves when we have such efficient legislators working for us. Wait til you hear what they have in store for us next. I don't want to spoil your sleep so I won't tell you that you'll need a new transmission after the emissions test."
"This is to the gentleman who has the store on Jonathan Street. I hear he may lose it and even his house. I wish you could move into this empty building on Baltimore Street beside Potomac Towers. People down here would really appreciate you. God bless."
"You may be able to sell crack, vandalize, burglarize and even kidnap in broad daylight but if you try to drive without your seat belt we're gonna target you and hunt you down. Why? Well, because it's an easy $25. It's even easier than the $12 at the emissions test station, you suckers."
"Today is the big day for the seat belt law to be in effect. Be sure to look in every nook and cranny for the officers just waiting to nail you with fines because they don't have anything else better to do for the next three months. I just wonder what their reward is for writing lots of tickets? I bet it's a good one!"
"This is one parent who did call the advisor at Clear Spring Middle School and was advised that yes, five students were choosing the Student Senate. After my conversation with the advisor, I talked to my daughter and we agreed that this was not an activity she needed to take part in. She is by the way, an 'A' student, active in the band and chorus and the 4-H Club and her church. Definitely not a whiner."
"This is to the person that said there are no blacks on the South High team. Who cares? What does it matter? It's the team players that count, not the color of their skin."
"Yeah. I just wanted to say congratulations to Bobby R on your 1-year sobriety."
"That lady up in Smithsburg driving that 4-wheeler in Whispering Hills, she should be given a ticket. That thing didn't have tags on it. Oh, that's right, they don't have no cop up there to give tickets. The mayor fired him."
"A prison psychologist said Charles Carpenter was no threat when he was a criminal and he killed someone. He was supposed to be in jail. What's this getting out for the weekends? It's jail, they're suppose to serve their time. A murderer should be put to death or at least kept in prison for life. Let's hear it for the death penalty."
"My, my, Maryland and Virginia have a fish problem. Dead fish all over the place and on the news tonight guess where the politicians are meeting to discuss the fish problem in Maryland and Virginia? In Atlanta, Georgia. My, my, don't understand it."
"This is in response to the caller who called in putting down Clear Spring. I live in Smithsburg and I was offended by the person who put down the residents of this small town of Clear Spring. Our town of Smithsburg is in chaos. We have a Washington County deputy that comes out here to patrol. Our neighborhood of Whispering Hills has been hit with thefts and break-ins and people are speeding through town daily. Our town isn't the same as it used to be and a lot of us are not to sure of living here anymore. We'd like to have our old town back but if things don't change soon, we just might move to Clear Spring, too. So move over all you rednecks, here we come."
"Is it any wonder with all this fraternity and sorority drinking that all these airheads are coming out of college without any common sense and can't get a job or hold one if by chance they get one?"