"Congratulations to E. Russell Hicks band for making states."
"I'm calling about a maroon Escort wagon that rides up and down on Crystal Falls Drive with the music blasting every night. Could they please have some respect for those who do have to go to work in the morning and please turn it down?"
"Thank you for taking my call. I wish that the people of Hagerstown would stop living up to their perceived actions by debating what Tiger Woods is. Whether he's a black man or an Asian man. It shouldn't be a question. Tiger Woods is a fine golfer but the bottom line is that he's just a man. Not black, not Asian but just a simple, plain man who's a great golfer. Please wake up Hagerstown and smell the coffee."
"Does anyone in Hagerstown or the area know where there's a psychic? Thank you."
"Hey, I love that idea in Mail Call about using bottles around town to put cigarette butts in. Could dispose of 2 problems at once. They could carry the bottle to the local trash can and show their pride in this wonderful town."
"Why don't we have a clean-up day? Maybe like twice a year, like the Saturday before the time changes and everybody clean up their street and their neighborhood?"
"Is there any chance that we can send Commissioner Wade on a long vacation? Send him for about two years until election time? Every day all I hear is what he wants to do. Is he a dictator or what?"
"I would like to know why The Herald-Mail will not publish the boys in the minor league baseball from Maugansville? The senior league is published and also the major leagues. If they have like three runs they print the boy's name with the winning team. I don't see what makes the difference. The minor league boys play just as hard as the rest of the boys and I don't think it's fair to the Maugansville players."
"I'd like to say thank you to Dr. Shuster for being such a great doctor and to say how much I like him. Thank you Dr. Shuster, you're a great doctor."
"What I want to know is, what does a grown man get out of watching another grown man beat a little white ball around the cow pasture?"
"County Commissioner Wade will need a lot of iodine when he gets run out of town on a rail along with his latest tax increase proposal."
"I need a 2-wheeled walker and if anyone has one that they would like to get rid of please call Mail Call. It would be greatly appreciated."
"To the man that won't let his son go to the prom and won't rent him a tux. Please tell him to go get the tux and eat light that week. Let the kid have his fun while he's still young."
"This is about the dogs in City Park. They are not supposed to be there in the first place."
"I read Mail Call for the first time tonight and I think it's funnier than the comics and after reading it I'm not sure that anyone reads the articles in the newspaper because they sure foul them up. I don't think it was Clinton playing golf with Tiger Woods. I think that was Ron Bowers."
"You know I don't think the County Commissioners of Washington County do anything right and if anyone goes back and votes for them, then they deserve anything they get."
"This is for the dead beat Williamsport people. Why don't you support your local ambulance company? I go to every supper they have and I come from Hagerstown. I even give them a tip for those volunteers that work all day and come in to fix these meals and none of you show up. Don't you think you'll need an ambulance? Well, one day you will and I pray they make it to your house in time. Yes, I support my Maugansville ambulance. Disgusted in Hagerstown."