By TERRY TALBERT
It's been a while since my last "Kid Talk" column, and think it's overdue, mostly because kids say the most outrageous things. Things that make you scratch your head. They give you a new view on life, and that's something we all need to do once in a while - see things differently.
This is about the legendary Samantha, a.k.a. Sam, my friend's precocious 7-year-old daughter, and her pal and younger brother, Ryan.
- Sam and her brother were playing in the living room. It must have been a rough day. "Let's take a commercial break, Ryan," Sam said. The two heaved a heavy sigh, got up from the floor, and headed into the kitchen for snacks.
- Sam, on an upcoming trip to the National Aquarium: "How much fun is it going to be? As much fun as playing with a thousand elephants?"
- Sam, on herself, Ryan and her older brother Taylor: "The oldest is thought to be smart. The middle child, well, she's rather unique. The youngest? He's thought to be a dumbbell."
- Sam, a couple of years ago. She was concerned about the pace of her learning: "Terry, I don't think I'll every be able to read or tie my shoes. At one time I thought I was going to be an adult with training wheels on my bike."
- Sam was on the telephone when her mother told her to hang up: "I will go as quickly as a soul leaves a corpse to fly to heaven."
- Sam, thinking. This is always dangerous...: "How many Indians are there left? Are there as many as there are pandas?"
- Sam, thinking again: "Mom, is putting garbage in a volcano good? Is garbage allowed to go into a volcano...Mom, are there any savages in this area?"
- On the occasion of Taylor's birthday: "Happy Birthday, Taylor. You're a teenager now...Mom, are you going to kick him out now?"
- Ryan was pointing to his body parts, and letting me name them. "Ear," I said. "Nose. Armpit. Leg..." Then Ryan grabbed the back of his knee and looked at me challengingly. "Uh...kneeback?" I said. Seemed as good as anything to me. He glowered at me. "NOOO!" he said. "Kneepit!" Of course. I should have known.
- Sam to Ryan: "We live in Waynesboro, Pa. A man named Penn found a Sylvania and a man named Wayne found a burro."
- Sam to her mother: "Mom, will you get me a centaur for my birthday. A girl centaur?"
- Sam: "Do you know what a hacker is? It's a person who plays with computers and breaks them all up. Kind of like a bull on an innocent playground."
- Sam: "I forgot. I guess that's why I can't remember."
- Sam, handing a broken doll to her grandfather, whom she calls Opa: "Opa, will you fix her for me?"
"Gee, Sam, I don't know if I can."