"This is for Penny out at the Washington County Health Department in the Personal Care Department. I'd just like to let her know how much she is appreciated. She's doing a wonderful job. There's no job too small or too big for that lady. She's doing a great job. Thank you so much."
"To the person who took the blue Eternal light off the grave at the Greenlawn Cemetery, I hope your conscience bothers you enough to bring it back. It was put there out of respect for my father. It's pretty bad when you have to go to the cemetery and steal a light which I had only put there a few hours before."
"Between the sewer debt and the landfill debt and all the problems associated with both, this county cannot afford a union of workers on the back of the taxpayers. Ron Bowers is wrong."
"I would like to take this opportunity to thank Sen. Don Munson for giving me the state resolution 344. He'll never realize how much he made me feel important and feel worthwhile."
"After reading all these stories about that flying saucer and the goofy people that are seeing it, I called in and asked a sensible question. I would like to know what bait to use for a Romanian bottle fish that is found only in the Conococheague Creek. I hope someone can help me. This is not a gag."
"To the person who hates cats and thinks they're a nuisance. Assuming that you don't eat beef, pork or poultry and assuming you don't go fishing or hunting, wear furs or use products made from or tested on animals, and if you don't eat to survive or have an instinct to protect your children, you may have a case. If you do any of these things you have no room to talk. There's one difference though - humans should know better, cats don't. These actions are instincts given to cats by God so what exactly are you saying?"
"This is for Mayor Sager. Why don't you look at what Chambersburg has done with their theater downtown? This is an example of what happens when people work together. I think it's time for the City of Hagerstown to take over The Maryland Theatre and run it like a business."
"This is to The Daily Mail editor regarding today's April 2 editorial. Why are you using scare tactics to justify your position on mandatory treadmill testing? If the treadmill test had any merit you wouldn't need to justify your position with scare tactics. You seem to take the position that we are some kind of peons who don't know what's good for us and then you say, which is an oxymoron if I ever heard one, that the Maryland Chamber of Commerce a body not known for governmental intrusion into private freedom, backs this mandatory for some simple reason. They did just the opposite. Support another intrusion into our lives. The fact is Mr. Editor, the air in Washington County is clean. Former Gov. Schaefer said it was and those of us that don't have our heads in the sand also knows that it is clean. There are some issues for people not wanting to live in Maryland like the seat belt law. That's another intrusion into our lives. Let's get with it. Let's get the government off our back. Please."
"Hello Earthlings, this is the captain of the spaceship that was seen over the gas station in Boonsboro. My crew and I meant you no harm. One of our space heaters had failed causing a power shortage and we simply wanted our friend Frankie to tow us back to our solar system with his tow truck. Frank not only helped us but he took us to places unknown and back. He's a good man and a great friend to all creatures."