"To the person or persons who's looking for information on how to find out about the records and what they're worth. There's a book for $20 at any book store plus anyone from Halfway Antiques and Record Department would be very happy to tell you what they are worth."
"This is to the individual who said to put all the Civil War fans, NASCAR fans and everyone on welfare in a area and build a wall around them. What's the matter with you? Don't you believe in history and don't you like NASCAR? What do you like? Maybe we don't like whatever that is and we'll put a wall around that. And as for welfare, well excuse me but I've worked all my life since I was 15 and I recently hit a dip and had to depend on help from the welfare to help me out until I got back on my feet so not everyone on welfare are bad people."
"I'd like to congratulate the fourth grade students from Fountain Rock Elementary School who were involved in the Maryland Day Program on March 25. The students did an excellent job of presenting the history of Maryland. It was a superb presentation. Hats off to these students."
"I would like to thank the dirty thief that stole the flowers off my husband and his children's grave. His granddaughter made them for him and we placed it on the grave last Sunday evening and it's right along Haven Road. I hope you rot in you know where. If you needed flowers I would have bought you some instead of having you stealing them off of graves. I hope you think about this and kindly put it back. You think that no one saw you but remember, God did."
"To the caller who said they saw a flying sauce over Boonsboro and who could they report it to. Well, try the Boonsboro Police and ask for Captain Kirk."
"If Newt Gingrich is political road kill then Bill Clinton is road pizza, Hillary is a highway cookie and Al Gore is a meadow muffin."
"Hey, guess what? I saw that same spaceship. I also saw Michael Jordan sitting in there with all his little creatures. Wow-!!"
"Hello. This is about the driver seeing a spaceship over the Amoco. Well, he doesn't need to tell anyone except for maybe someone out at Brook Lane."
"This is to the caller who said he had more faith in a one-legged duck than he does in President Clinton. Well, believe it or not, there is a one-legged duck at the City Park lake. Why don't you get your conservative anatomy over there and have a good old time? Maybe you can get some other Republican conservatives to join you. Preferably four out of five County Commissioners."
"To the caller saying that the president did something to Paula Jones. How do you know, were you there? I thought a person was considered innocent in this country until proven guilty? You're not God, judge and jury so get off your high horse and let's just wait and see what happens. If the shoe was on the other foot you would probably be screaming your conservative little head off."
"To the guy that saw the UFO in Boonsboro. I believe they dropped an alien back in the Graystone development."
"To all those critics of County Commissioner Ron Bowers who spend full-time criticizing him. It's quite apparent that he's the only commissioner with any common sense and consideration for his fellow man and woman. Way to go Ron. Thank goodness you're there to help us and not bury us."
"Greg Snook you didn't know about the picketing today? That's hard to believe. Come on Greg, wake up. There's plenty of county supporters in this state and county."
"If the City of Hagerstown is reimbursing people for parking ticket penalties can I have mine done, too? I'm not an anchor person but you know, I'd kind of like to get my money back, too."
"I would just like to say that if some of these lawyers, doctors and important business people would stop smoking crack it would put the drug dealers from New York, Baltimore, Florida and D.C., out of business and we could have our community back."
"I have one question. Is it called bus inspection or is it Bill's nitpicking inspection?"