"This is to the person who stole my property out of my yard on Big Pool Road. It wasn't hurting anything laying there so I would appreciate it if you'd bring it back and put it back where you got it."
"This is to the Chevy guy. Your intelligence shows what driving a Chevy will do to your brain. Rusty Wallace and his Ford did win the race on Sunday. Learn to read and you would have known this. Get a life Chevy fan."
"I'm a correctional officer and I'm calling concerning the problems correctional officers are dealing with now. Correctional officers in the last six years have had like a 5 percent raise. The cost of living alone is 19 percent during that period of time and now as I speak, there is a Senate bill to be voted on where correctional officers can be arbitrarily transferred anywhere within the state. I think somebody had better wake up before they have a huge problem on their hands."
"We want to wish Jason a very happy birthday. We love you. Mom, Dad, Brandi, Jenny, Justin and Cody."
"I'm a taxpayer in Washington County and I want to know why the Board of Education can use a phone system which will not come across our Caller IDs? To me that's violating our rights to know who's contacting us with our tax dollars paying for it."
"This is referring to the Chevy fans. If they would take the time to read the newspaper or listen to the radio they would know that Rusty Wallace was legal and he did win the Richmond race on Sunday."
"This is to all you sanctified non-smokers. You worry about second-hand smoke in the restaurants but you breathe carbon monoxide and carbon dioxide and everything all day long so if you don't want to worry about smoke, then you'd better get yourself a plastic tube and get in it."
"I would like to encourage all of the city voters to get out and vote for a good, decent man in Leon Fearnow. He's always been supportive of the people. Even when he was a police officer he'd always lend you a helping hand. Let's get a real man in there for mayor."
"Am I the only person that's noticed the extreme increase in crack and cocaine use among the middle class here in Hagerstown? A lot of parents that read this column would probably be surprised to find out that their son or daughter is using crack or cocaine. This is a true statement and I think the public deserves to know and I think the parents should look into what their children are doing a little more carefully."
"I'd like to thank the officers for being so expedient in arriving at my house when someone was attempting to break into it in the West End. I don't know if I thanked them at the time or not but they were there within seconds and it makes me feel good about the town. Thank you so very much."
"I said opening my mailbox is the second best thrill in my life. Waking up every morning is God's will. Use your imagination as to what my first thrill is. By the way, you mentioned my running for County Commissioner. Well, I have no knowledge of county affairs and my IQ is probably below 100. I can barely read or count so I won't be running for County Commissioner. I would be over-qualified."
"Yes. I'm calling to say it makes me absolutely sick to see people talk about Jeff Gordon. You know, they must be so jealous of him and his talent and everything that they have to cut him down. They ought to call NASCAR fans the crying game fans because all they do is bawl and obviously when you're good and talented, people have to cut you down. Jeff Gordon isn't worried about Rusty Wallace, Dale Earnhardt or Ernie Ervin because he's better than any of them combined on his worse day and who does he think he is? Well, he won five of the last NASCAR events and 21 races in the last four years. A boy in a man's sport? Well, I hope a lot of boys when they're 25 can drive like Jeff Gordon. Obviously whoever called this in is very uneducated about NASCAR."